| Question ID 4118 - Major Sins - 2017-12-24 06:00:01 |
| Salam Aalekium.
I am really really ashamed to write this, but please help me.
I live in west Europe. From the age of 13 I have watched porn. Not only did I watch it I also preformed sodomy with another boy at the age of 13-14. I did not really know the consequence of preforming this act but I knew it was wrong to do because we were the same gender. I told my parents about it and they told me that it was a major sin in islam and I stopped doing it and seek forgivenss. But the habit of watching porn never left me. I kept watching porn even though I prayed and fasted. As I grew up I became more isolated and watched more hardcore porn as my brain got used to the usally stuff. Eventually I began to watch gay porn and stick things up in my anus a little bit. I was lost and every time I did it I felt helpless. I could not tell anyone about it. Every time I cried but I felt I could not do anything about it. I reached a point where I thought there was something wrong with me and that I would never be normal again. I tried at several occasions to marry but it did not work for me. Eventually I did the hajj in 2016 because I wanted to stop this habit and walk in the path of Allah swt. After the hajj I began to do the same again after 1 month. Two months ago after preforming this disgusting act once again I decided that enough is enough. I said to myself that I will never ever do it again. Now I feel that Allah swt will not forgive me for this. I preformed the hajj because I wanted to leave these things but I kept doing it. I have read that these kind of acts is punishable my death and I seriously feel I may not be forgiven before I get killed. Will Allah swt ever forgive me for this without punishment? Right now I feel depressed as am fighting myself and my soul and at the same time I don´t know if I will ever be forgiven. What should I do? please help me because I really need help. I have always been a shy guy who is afraid to do something wrong. I do not have many friends and I feel alone all the time. Please help me. |
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Answer:- If you really want to be forgiven, you must decide firmly to stop doing
wrong and promise Allah that you will never deliberately wrong again. Allah
is The Forgiver. Allah says in Quran : O my servants who did lot of wrong
to themselves, don=E2=80=99t loose hope from the mercy of Allah, as Allah f=
orgives
all the sins. So, return to your Lord and submit to him before punishment
comes to you and no one will support you. (Al-Zomar 54).
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